Time to move on

Well its been a week and no word from him at all. Nothing not even a text, or an IM. I cant keep thinking of it and obsessing about it. I'm making myself crazy. Its just bad timing with the job stuff and all. But if he really wanted something with me, he would've made some kind of effort to make contact with me. I mean seriously, all he had to say was Hi, or i'm doing awful. I'm done with guys, i'm no longer meeting them online. I'm not gonna add those stupid apps again on facebook or myspace. Not gonna go onto any other dating sites. The weird thing with me is once I realize its over with someone I go right back to those sites and looking for a guy but this time it really hurts a lot. Its like I was not expecting this at all. Its just weird, i dont know. I dont want to find some other guy, i'm not ready. And part of me thinks hes still gonna contact me but really he wont. I really hoped he would but by now he wont. And i just cant think of him anymore

Not much I can do

Well I cant worry about the whole Mark thing anymore cause its making me crazy. I cant really do anything. Just wait and hope he contacts me somehow. And i'm not looking for any answers I just want him to be ok and I just want everything to be ok. My not having a job now is also not helping me much. I really miss my kids and I hate that those bitches win and got what they wanted. So instead of me sitting around and feeling sorry for myself and worrying about whats gonna happen with me and mark. I'm gonna just go out and try to enjoy myself, like going to the beach. Thats something that costs nothing to enjoy, lol. Or going to the bookstore and reading again now that I have all this free time. And working on my Avon business. Theres this thing I need to join called a BNI, that should help my Avon business. If i could get my sales up, then i wont need another job for a bit. I'm also gonna start going around the neighborhood, introducing myself and talking about Avon. I'm not gonna wallow and make myself miserable. Mark will either never talk to me again or he will and I cant worry about that. There is just one thing I need to let him know is that i am there for him and that I know its a stressful time for him and if hes unsure about us or doesnt know then thats fine. But i'm only gonna say that if I hear from him. Evcn if he says he doesnt know yet, i'm fine. Probably gonna distance myself from him so if he does leave it wont be so bad, but i know it will be anyways. but yeah starting tomorrow, i'm not gonna sit around and think of all the crappy stuff and just do things for myself. Hopefully it helps and maybe it will clear my head so I can put things in perspective. but now its Easter and I guess i have to help my mom cook. And enjoy a Vodka martini. Happy Easter to everyone!!!!

Alright

I just realized what I did. I was talking to my mom today and she tells me that when i asked him what I did I put more pressure on him that he does not need. And i probably scared him away and might never hear from him again. I dont think i did but hes already stressed about things and I just added on to it. So now I really dont know what to do. I dont wanna do something stupid and lose him

here we go

Ok so he did vent to me about stuff and I do feel better that he is comfortable with telling me stuff. but now I am wondering about something. One of the things hes thinking of doing is moving out of San Diego which would really suck. I mean it might be the best thing for him and I cant really make him stay cause well we havent been together that long. I dont wanna think about it and hopefully he decides to stay here a bit longer. I swear i finally meet a decent one who seriously has never really done anything horrible and everytime he doesnt talk to me or whatever its cause something bad happened. And hes not perfect, i mean he has issues but nothing major. And he is a nice, decent guy but now he might move away and i dont know what to do. I guess i'll just wait until it happens cause maybe it wont. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I cant force him to stay, expecially if its best for him to leave. I dont wanna think about it anymore. I need to focus on my job situation, hopefully i find something soon

Dont know what to think

Everytime I ask Mark to hang out with my friends, he says hes busy or something bad happens. Now either he really is busy or just doesnt wanna meet my friends. I'm giving him one more chance and i'm just gonna ask him straight out if he wants to meet them or not cause then that tells me where we stand. But now heres another issue. I've noticed in the past several weeks we dont really talk much anymore, not like we used to. I dont know if its cause he just doesnt wanna talk to me anymore, is busy or something else is going on. A few weeks ago he got laid off of work. He is still working but until the end of May which I know sucks to be without a job. And I know thats a hard thing for someone to deal with. But its like he should be able to talk to me about stuff thats bothering him. And he just treats me lately like he doesnt wanna deal with me anymore. I mean last weekend we hung out, watched movies, talked until like 3 in the morning. But then the way he acts with me during the week does not make sense. I'm trying not to be mad at him for not talking to me cause hes probably upset about work crap. I want to tell him somehow that he can tell me anything and he can complain and vent to me. but yesterday something pissed me off. Well first he couldnt hang out with my friends last night and then when i asked him if he wanted to do something tonight, he doesnt answer me and signs off. Never did get an answer. All he says to me is like what? cause my place is a mess now so we cant hang out here. Now i know he probably cant spend money now and i understand that but he can tell me that. Its almost like he wants to seem perfect to me and not show me his bad side like hes scared or something. Or maybe he just doesnt wanna see me anymore. I dont know what to do. I just dont wanna say something stupid to him and make a big deal out of nothing.

some stuff

Ok so work stuff sucks, and i'm so done with all their BS. Now onto a better subject. So last weekend I went to his place to hang out. Met his step daughter and then his best friend showed up. And we all hung out and talked till like 5 in the morning. It was awesome, we had such a great time. I really like this one, and he makes me happy. It's kinda funny cause since i've been home, random people on yahoo message me and I have no idea who they are cause its some DB from the past. I'm like sorry no idea who you are, lol. But yeah this one is nice, and hopefully this is something more long term. But yeah one night I was talking to one of my friends about guys and I was like "last year was the years of DB's" And seriously it was, i mean one after another. Even my mom thinks this ones a decent one. So we'll see. I'm just enjoying being with him and we always have a great time together

Here goes

So theres this guy we will call him the major DB. Who is from my past and we were really great friends and then i made the huge mistake of falling for him. And he leads me to believe he feels the same way. This guy was the biggest player of them all. Knew exactly what to say and how to act. So i tell him how i feel, he tells me that hes not ready for a relationship. But a week later starts dating someone. which pissed me of. but then I got over it cause I'd rather have him as a friend anyways. Well he pretty much never talks to me again which hurt losing a great friend, but he wasnt such a great friend if he does that. I guess they broke up and he tries to get me to date him which i refuse. I delete him outta my life and every once in a while he'll text me, no big deal. I never really tell him how much he hurt me. but now recently he might be moving here and hes coming to visit soon. So he actually has the nerve to ask me to see him. Since i never told him how much he hurt me I let it all out to him. And well hopefully he never contacts me again. I'm just pissed cause he actually thinks I wanna see him, he actually thinks I forgive him, MAJOR DB!!!!!
But onto better news I really did meet a great guy now who is not a DB at all. Hes perfect for me and I'm really happy for once. And i stopped trying to find something wrong with him, lol. Hes just a great guy